Hpc 6360 Portfolio
Theme: How I show up in relationship with myself, and others. This portfolio has been shaped around the central theme of Relationship. I have been exploring how I show up in relationship with myself – how I treat myself when I am anxious, depressed, happy, sad, and stressed. I also explore how I show up in relationship with others – with my parents, sister, partner, friends, acquaintances, and strangers. This portfolio, when taken as a whole, is a multimodal response to these explorations around awareness in relationship.
Visual Portfolio Pieces
AUDIO & VIDEO PORTFOLIO PIECES
This poem was written the morning after a difficult day of being in relationship with my long distance partner, who lives in the southwest and currently has a life totally separate from my own here in Boone. I feel so often that I am chasing connection with her, and in the chase I feel my own insecurities, doubts, and anxieties grip me in the search for a deep and meaningful relationship. The ocean of my own mind is rarely calm, but I find that through poetry it levels out. An interesting note from this experience was that I sat down this morning to journal, and these words immediately came out.
‘Song for Self,’ 2/19, Strumstick
I’d been wanting to make a strumstick song for several weeks now, and this night seemed like the night, alone in my bus, feeling energy in my fingertips. What I like about this music is that it’s not perfect, because I am not a perfect student of this three-string instrument, but I chose to play it and share it.
Daily practice reflection
I committed to an hour of writing a fiction novel each day, usually in the morning when I woke. This novel is the first book in a series with the working title When the Bad Guys Win. The name of the book is Saving Princess Rubra.
A conflict avoidant dwarf, an alcoholic elf, a masochistic knight, a wild woman, and a disillusioned troll are on a quest to save a princess who doesn’t need their help. This story is narrated by an unreliable wizard who has been locked in a remote tower by his ex-lover. It’s a classic hero’s journey adventure structure with a tongue & cheek twist, because this book takes a look at unhealthy manhood in its many manifestations. When the Bad Guys Win is concerned with discussing socio-racial hierarchy, gender inequality, disruptive male behavior, and emotional suppression. Each character is a flawed composite of patterns I’ve witnessed in myself and in the male-dominated culture of our modern world. All characters - from dwarf to troll to elf to human - work with their insecurities and doubts in relationship.
This daily practice has reignited my love for fiction writing. For two years I’ve been stagnant in the process, convincing myself that I didn’t have the time to create the structure and routine necessary to write novels. Since beginning this project I’ve felt a huge upwelling of creative energy, and now have the ideas for another two novels I want to write once I’ve completed a draft of Saving Princess Rubra. I think a big piece for me is writing because I love it, not because I expect to get this book published. This book may never emerge into the public sphere. But I have enjoyed the process, and have grown from it, and have found a new and exciting discovery within myself - a part of my self-care is writing for a creative release, and when I am able to tie in therapeutic elements (ie - constructing a novel based on my own struggles with unhealthy patterns of masculinity) I offer a clear mirror of self. I can see, analyze, and increase my self-awareness through the trials of my unhealthy band of unlikely heroes.