love

A Song for my Ex

I was daydreaming when I thought of you
Fell into my mind from the ocean blue
Fell into my mind just like you owned the place
Locked all the doors and now I can’t escape


For forty days and forty nights at sea
Trapped by the tides this swelling apathy
I wish that I could just get over you
I wish you hadn’t found somebody new


I always heard now baby what’s the rush
I always hurried through the gentle hush
I always heard that sometimes love is tough
I always worried I’m not good enough


And now you’re here and now I’m fading back
Invisibilia we’re all shades of black
Invisibilia now I hold it true
Invisibilia was I seen by you


Is this the way that it has got to end
An exposition of my deeper sin
A declaration for the barren men
A gust of wind around the river bend


Fuck you for saying that I must let go
That I am hanging on a fraying rope
That I am less and without empathy
That I am love without security


So at the end is this now where we start
Drenched in the sorrow of my bleeding heart
Drenched in the envy of my loneliness
A search for truth and not for happiness


I am ashamed that I still dream of you
Rising up from my subconscious blue
Rising up just like you own the place
Locked all the doors and now I contemplate


That maybe I was never held by you
That maybe I was never told the truth
Maybe I’m all I need to set me free
Could love be more than what you gave to me

The Nature of my Deeper Sadness

There is a sort of loneliness I am experiencing
That I never wish to feel again.
It starts in the hollow of my chest
As a rattling drumbeat sounding out
The nature of my deeper sadness.
It spreads upwards, out, filling
The totality of my ribcages – full through the torso,
And its quality is one of a heavy aching,
Like no amount of love could massage away
The accumulation of scar tissue filling this space
And then higher – my throat is tight, raw,
Pulsing out the pain of my miserable, small life.
I try to swallow, and all fails me.
Higher still, my jaw, so tight, set below
Eyes which brim wet in shame
As I feel heat drop down against my nose.


I love you still, and feel the weight of rejection
Hold me hostage, a final look at mortality as I
Slip from the darkness of lonerism into
A fuller understanding of this
Present moment, and how I might harness the sadness
Controlling my actions this long and dark night.

WINSTON SALEM WRITER, WINSTON SALEM PHOTOGRAPHY, WINSTON SALEM HIKING, WINSTON SALEM BACKPACKING, TRAVEL CHILE, PATAGONIA BACKPACKING, ARGENTINA BACKPACKING, GREATER PATAGONIAN TRAIL, GREATER PATAGONIA, WINSTON SALEM RUNNING, WINSTON SALEM YOGA, YOGA WINSTON SALEM, YOGA INSTRUCTOR WINSTON SALEM, RYT CERTIFIED YOGA WINSTON SALEM, POWER YOGA WINSTON SALEM, HOW TO BACKPACK CHILE, HOW TO TRAVEL CHILE, HOW TO TRAVEL WRITE,