soul

How I Look at the Stars

I’ve been holding onto this feeling
Of hot tears damned behind dry eyes
For days now, and the pressure builds.
There’s this rattling in my chest
When I inhale sharply, anxiety
Spreading out from my lungs to my heart.
I hold no expectation of healing –
This I’ll feel and fight and accept for life,
For the tears will return once the dam breaks
And the chest will hold my fears
Until the final hollow breath –
But I can hope for peace,
I believe I deserve peace
With who I am and how I feel pain.
With how I feel joy.
With how I look at the stars at night
And wonder how my light would shine
If we could all be seen
As beacons of our essence.

My Brain, My Heart, My Hate

Want to know what it’s like to live inside my head?
‘WORTHLESS! YOU’RE FUCKING WORTHLESS!
You are not successful.
You are nothing more than a suck – a mooch.
You are undeserving of love.
You are unworthy.’


I hate myself often.
I hate that this is how I’ve chosen to live –
Anxious, always anxious, always –
I hate this is how I’ve kept myself safe.


I don’t know where to go from here.

What We Were Made For

Here’s the truth –
We are all alone in this world
And we as humans
Strive to create connection through community
With others who are equally alone
With others who feel as deeply
The sorrow of their intimate loneliness
With others enmeshed in the conversations
Which repeat, every day, in the hollow spaces
Between the head and the heart
With others who reach for something greater,
Some higher expression of being
Which is non-manifest in the conventionality
Of our fabricated expressions of existence.
For we were made to roam
Made to suffer in the pouring rain
Made to seek shade in the heat of the day
And to seek heat around the fire at night
We were made to love deeply the rich soil
Made to sleep beneath the trees
Made to stand on the cliff in high winds
Made to be curious about the buffalo
Made to die trying in this life
To try and form a connection with the natural world
So that we can form a connection with ourselves
So that we can form a connection with others
And embrace the voice inside our heads
Telling us we are unworthy of such love in our lives.

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